


I Did Not Drink Enough For This

by tabbytabbytabby



Series: Sterek Prompts [45]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek Hale, Dildos, First Kiss, Fluff and Crack, Getting Together, M/M, Witches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-02 19:10:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14551455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: Stiles isn't sure what to think when he finds his yard filled with something that will probably make his neighbors think he's some sort of sex fiend. All he knows is that he is far too sober to be dealing with it.





	I Did Not Drink Enough For This

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ravenwolf36](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenwolf36/gifts).



> For Ravenwolf26 who prompted: “Clearly I did not drink enough for this.” from [this list](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/post/168056218878/dialogue-prompts) of prompts.  
> I'm not sure what this is but I hope you like it ♥  
> The rating is more of a safety precaution than anything else.

  
[Banner by E_wolfwisegirl](https://ewolfwitchwisegirl.tumblr.com/)

 

Stiles looks out into his yard with a blank expression. Normally he might find something like this hilarious but after the week he’s had it just makes him more annoyed than anything else. Plus he can only imagine how this all looks to his neighbors. They probably think he’s some sort of sex fiend now. Because his yard is covered in giant dildos in varying colors. His yard is a rainbow of silicone cocks.

He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Clearly I did not drink enough for this.”

Next to him, Derek snorts, “Stiles you didn’t drink at all.”

“Exactly,” Stiles mutters, “So not enough.”

“Isn’t this the sort of thing you would normally find hilarious?” Derek asks.

“Any other day maybe, but not today.”

Derek leans against the door, arms crossed as he studies Stiles’ face, “Why? What’s going on with you?”

Stiles starts to open his mouth, probably to explain but instead just shakes his head, “It doesn’t matter,” he mutters, glaring out at the dildos one more time before making his way into the house.

He goes into the garage, searching for an empty plastic tub to put the stupid silicone penises in. Derek follows him but doesn’t say anything. Not that Stiles is surprised. He’s used to Derek being this strong, silent presence in his life. Maybe that’s part of the problem. Derek’s here and with him but not for any of the reasons he wishes he was.

Stiles slams the lid on one of the plastic tubs closed a lot harder than he meant to, ignoring the worried look Derek sends his way and moving on another crate. They have to have one that he can use.

“This one is empty,” Derek calls from the other side of the garage, “there’s a few over here.”

Stiles lets out a breath of relief and walks over to join Derek, “I think one might be fine.”

Derek nods before grabbing the tub and walking back towards the door. Stiles follows after him in confusion as Derek makes his way outside and starts throwing the dildos into the crate. “What are you doing?”

Derek frowns over at him, “Helping you? It’d take you hours to do all this by yourself.”

“Yeah but surely you have something better to do. Like hang out with Theo.”

Derek sighs, “I’m not interested in Theo, Stiles.”

“Could have fooled me,” Stiles mutters.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Derek asks, throwing two more the dildos into the tub as he glances over at Stiles.

“I just mean you two have gotten pretty close,” Stiles says, shrugging as he tries to give off an air of nonchalance. “And you know, I saw him with his tongue down your throat the other day.”

He can feel Derek’s eyes on him but he ignores him in favor of throwing more dildos into the crate. He just wants to get this over with. He hadn’t even meant to start this conversation with Derek. He knows it can’t lead to anywhere except for him heartbroken and crying into his favorite mint ice cream.

“That didn’t mean anything,” Derek says, his voice soft. “He was drunk and upset about Liam. But I quickly shut it down.”

Stiles shrugs, “Yeah okay. Whatever. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

“But I do,” Derek says, “I need you to know…”

Stiles lets out a bitter laugh, “No believe me, you don’t. I’m more than aware of your feelings Der. I’d rather not have that thrown in my face right now. Seeing you with Theo was hard enough.”

“Stiles…”

Stiles shakes his head, turning his back to Derek, “Just forget it. Let’s get this done and then you can go and do whatever it is you need to do.”

Stiles starts throwing more dildos into the tub, hoping to get this over with as quick as possible. Except the universe does not seem to be on his side. He’s hit in the head with a dildo and glares in Derek’s direction, thinking the Alpha had thrown one at him. Except Derek is looking towards the sky in confusion. That’s when Stiles notices the dildos falling down around him. It is literally raining dildos right now.

“What do you want from me?” Stiles yells as more dildos continue to rain down around him. “What? What the fuck do I have to do to make this stop?”

He puts his hands over his eyes, angry at himself for being so close to tears. This really was not his week.

“Be honest with yourself and with him. Give in,” a voice sounds. Stiles could swear it was coming from the dildos. With everything he’s seen he really wouldn’t be surprised.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Stiles yells, tilting his head back to glare at the sky. He curses when a dildo comes close to hitting him in the eye. When he opens his mouth to yell again another one falls into his open mouth causing him to gag.

Stiles goes to pull it out but finds it stuck. His eyes widen, suddenly afraid that this is how he’s going to die. His Dad is going to come home to find him in his yard surrounded by silicone penises with one stuck down his throat as Derek looks on. Maybe he’d cry and hold Stiles’ broken body. Stiles doesn’t know.

He turns to Derek with panicked eyes to see Derek staring at him, his own eyes wide. He makes a noise and flails around before gesturing towards the dildo stuck in his mouth. Derek walks over slowly, almost predatory.

Stiles moves his hand back to the blue penis in his mouth and tries to pull it out only for it to slip back in again. He looks up when he hears Derek growl and is surprised to see his eyes are red and he’s breathing heavy.

“Don’t. Move.” Derek grits out.

He reaches a hand up and Stiles thinks he’s going to try and save him. Instead his fingers dance along the outside of the dildo in his cheek. “Shit,” Derek mutters, and then finally moves his hand to the base of the silicone cock.

Stiles can only watch as he slowly moves it out. Stiles would have cheered with how easily it moved out if Derek himself hadn’t shoved it back in. Stiles wheezes, trying to find air as the dildo hits the back of his throat.

He wants to ask Derek what the hell he thinks he’s doing. Then he sees it, the hungry look in his eyes as he watches the way Stiles’ throat constricts around dildo. He’s actually turned on right now? Jesus. When this is over Stiles is going to have a serious talk with him about the proper times to get turned on, and actually act on it, it seems.

Stiles closes his eyes, trying to decide what to do. He’s been fighting his feelings for Derek for so long. Yet here Derek is, looking super turned on and seeming to want to do something about it. So when Derek pulls the dildo out again Stiles whines and chases it, pleased when Derek seems all too happy to push it back in.

“Jesus Stiles, you should see yourself,” Derek murmurs, moving a hand up to card through Stiles’ hair, as he continues to work the dildo into and out of Stiles mouth. Stiles moans around the silicone cock, eyes on Derek’s as he works it into his mouth. “God I wish that this was real.”

Stiles makes a questioning noise, moving his hand up to grab the one Derek has on the dildo, causing him to stop his movements. He really needs to be able to talk right now. He taps the dildo with his fingers and moves to pull back. Derek nods and pulls the dildo out slowly. Stiles releases a relieved breath when it actually leaves his mouth.

“Stiles,” Derek says, sounding almost pained, “I’m sorry if that was…”

“No,” Stiles croaks, holding his hand up for Derek to wait as his tries to catch his breath, “No. Don’t you dare apologize.”

“But I practically forced that on you,” Derek mutters, glaring over Stiles’ shoulder.

He at least hasn’t moved back, making it easy for Stiles to step further into his space and put a hand on the back of his neck, “You didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want.”

“Really?” Derek asks, sounding unsure, “Because I didn’t ask before I…”

“Der, I’m pretty sure I would have actually put up a fight if I didn’t want you shoving a silicone cock down my throat.”

“But you stopped me.”

Stiles snorts, “Yeah because we’re still in the middle of my front yard. And I figured we need to have a talk. Especially after you said you wished it was real. Plus, you know I’d much rather have something else in my mouth. After the talk of course.”

Derek’s lips twitch up into a smile, eyes crinkling at the corners. It’s one of Stiles’ favorite looks on him because it’s one of the times Derek looks genuinely happy.

“Of course,” Derek says, moving his hand back to Stiles hair and pulling Stiles closer, “What are your thoughts on kissing in your front yard?”

Stiles grins, “Well considering the show we just put on kissing seems kind of tame.”

“You haven’t been kissed by me,” Derek murmurs, brushing their noses together, “I wouldn’t call it tame just yet.”

Then Derek’s kissing him, alternating between soft, biting kisses and deep, tender ones with his tongue exploring Stiles’ mouth and pulling low moans from him. Yeah it’s anything but tame. Not that Stiles is complaining in the least.

Stiles is left feeling breathless by the end of it, having to lean on Derek for support. Derek isn’t looking much better off. They’re both wearing matching smiles.

Stiles eyes drift from Derek to the yard, surprised to see that all the dildos have disappeared. “Oh thank god.”

“What is it?” Derek asks, not looking up from where he’s buried his face in Stiles’ neck.

“The dildos are gone,” Stiles tells him.

“Pity,” Derek mumbles, “I quite liked the blue one.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/Comments make my day.  
> [My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


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